Preacher man Dan

"Prove all things..." 1Thess 5:21

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Discover anew Christ who indwells you

Spouse Testing

What! You’re Kidding, Right?
(Pre-Marriage Only)

by Daniel J.M. Galpin

Have you ever wondered how to know if you’re going to marry the right man or woman? I have, that’s why I’m not married! I'm joking of course. Seriously, I do have a test that helps reduce the mistakes of getting the wrong mate. The test may not be to your liking or you may even think, your kidding, right? I'm not, the test was written by the marriage designer Himself: God.

God uses parents, yes, I said parents, to aid in our mate selection. They can give valuable warning signs even when their reasons don’t make since or are out and out wrong. God has told us to obey our parents. He never said, only obey them if they’re Christians, only if they’re godly, or only if they’re right. We must trust Him to guide us through them. Rom. 8:28-29, Eph. 6:1-3. There are three circumstances where the Scripture tells us different: One, after getting married, thus leaving their home: Gen 2:24. Secondly, if they tell us to sin. Acts 5:29. Thirdly, if they are in need of their children’s care and are dependent upon the child: 1Tim 5:4. Otherwise, we are responsible to fellow their direction as unto the Lord. Even when we are past the time of being obligated to obey them, they can still be a valuable source of counsel and should not be dismissed.

My mother was forbid to married an individual because his family was poor, yet he became wealthy. Her mother’s concern was in the right place, she wanted her daughter to be well cared for, but the reason was wrong. My mother did not marry that man and even through her mother’s reason was illegitimate; God knew something about the man that would prove damaging to my mother. He was a social drinker and my mother would have drunk with him. She is addicted to Pepsi, of all things; only God knows how damaging the alcohol could have been to her. God wasn’t protecting her from poverty; He used her mother to protect her from alcohol. Neither she nor her parents knew that at the time.

I nearly get married once and the only reason I didn’t was God’s Word says to obey our parents The women’s parents were against our marriage, they were not Christians, and she and I were, but the Scripture doesn’t say obey your parents only if their Christians or only if they’re correct; it says obey. We prayed for two years that God would change their minds but He did not. Her parent’s reason was sinful: it was base on prejudice, I’m American and she’s Japanese. They insisted she marry a Japanese man. Years later, I’m grateful for God’s foresight and protection. She has proven not to be serious in her faith with Christ and that would have caused us much turmoil because I’m very serious. God sees the whole picture while we only see a frame at a time.

In another case, our pastor was going to marry a couple, who were in mid 20s and both lived on their own, yet her dad was against the marriage. Her dad couldn’t give a reason why. He was simply against the marriage and her father had only meet the young man once or twice. I spoke with our pastor and questioned him about how he, in good conscience, could marry them when her father was strongly against it. Afterward, he asked them to wait and pray for God to change her father’s heart as Proverbs 21:1 says “the king’s heart is in the hand of the Lord, as the rivers of water: he turneth it whithersoever he will.” They choose to elope. Sadly, within months of the marriage she was being physically abused and within a year her husband had been imprisoned for an unrelated matter.

God sees the whole, while we only in part. God wants our best and knows what’s needed to obtain it. We must come to a point of trusting Him more for the unseen as with the seen. As for those circumstances when we disobey and do things our own way and God allows good to come of it, we need be ever more grateful to Him for His compassion. Please don’t mix God’s compassion with God’s approval. I’m sure many testimonies can be given about how someone went against God’s ways and have been blessed, but for every one of them there are one hundred that wish they would have waited on God’s timing. How many of those who refused to wait on God will never know, He had an even better plan for them but they jumped ahead of Him. Most importantly, we are to do things God’s way and trust Him to work out the details. God’s wants our best and He has given us His revealed will for our benefit. Use it; trust it, love it, live it!